


Who are you?

by Akiko_kitsune



Series: Make me crazy, keep me sane [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: After Benizakura arc, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Takasugi, But I don't have any other idea how to warn you, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mind Games, Not sure about that one, Overstimulation, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Power Play, Roleplay?, Top Gintoki, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 10:25:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18050729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: In the Benizakura arc, Gintoki said to kill Takasugi if he ever met him again. Putting that into action turned out harder than expected when they ran into each other during a pleasant evening. Although, Takasugi had one more idea how they could spend time and he knew exactly how to push Gintoki into doing what he wanted from him.





	Who are you?

**Author's Note:**

> I know it was probably worked over and over already, but I wanted to play a bit around with the early dynamic between Gintoki and Takasugi, so expect angst; and also with the theme that 'Takasugi changed' as Gintoki and Katsura said during Benizakura and how Takasugi may not exactly see that the same way as them.
> 
> I don't usually ship them, so I'm sorry if I messed up their dynamic.

It was just a regular late evening. Even quite warm. You know, one of those that it is just pleasant to be outside in the light breeze. There were not many people on the streets, it was getting late and Gintoki knew how to choose less crowded roads. Maybe that was a relic of the post-war times. Maybe he still felt the urge to hide from others. Or maybe his already light drunkenness pushed him to make some weird comparison. Who knew? He was pretty fucked up after all he had been through. If he started wondering how many things in his life could be affected by it, the list would never end.

He was not the only one using back streets. That differed this evening from any other. He stopped seeing a familiar thin figure in yukata. Soon the other man noticed him and turned to him.

Everything lost its meaning when their eyes met. The world stopped for a moment, only to start painfully again.

"Haven't you said once that you would kill me if you meet me on the street." Takasugi spread his hands to the sides. "So? What are we waiting for?"

Gintoki hesitated. His expression darkened, but his hand didn't move towards his sword. He couldn't. Maybe if he got provoked, but he couldn't kill him with cold blood.

"I won't kill you," he spoke finally.

"Shame," Takasugi sighed.

There were so many things Gintoki couldn't understand. Like even if he felt like he would never be able to look Takasugi in the eye after… everything, right now he was staring at him, unable to look away. Maybe he was trying to find anything that would remind him of his old friend.

"How have you become like this?" Gintoki voiced his thoughts. 

As he could expect, these words met angry gaze. "Like what?"

"You know what I mean."

"Wasn't I always like this? At least now I'm doing my best to behave."

"Getting along with Harusame is not the best way to behave.".

"Spying and trying to stop the biggest enemy in this game?" seeing the shock on Gintoki's face, Takasugi chuckled and added: "You and Zura have to start using your heads one day."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"Would you listen? And you clearly said you were going to kill me if you ever met me. Why would I go to you with bare hands?"

“Have you found anything?”

“Not yet. Gaining trust takes time...”

"So why are you talking with me now? Why have you found me?"

“You don’t believe we could have met by accident?”

“No.”

Takasugi smirked. “You know me well…” he hummed to himself. He leaned on the bridge rail. Like wanted to fall down. Gintoki had to stop himself from running to him. “There are days when I want to die,” Takasugi raised his gaze at Gintoki. ”Dying from your hand wouldn't be bad..."

"No."

"So maybe let's do something else,” he walked towards Gintoki. “Like in the old good days when supposedly I was someone else..." he kissed Gintoki. He slipped into his arms easily. Gintoki caught him instinctively. When he closed his eyes, it felt like everything was still the same. Like nothing had happened.

Too much had happened.

Gintoki wanted to push him off, but… When he felt him under his fingers, he became unable to let him go. He missed him. He missed him so much.

Gintoki felt at first similar to as he felt as a kid when he started to care, when he started to care too much about Takasugi. He sensed that if he wrapped his arms around him tighter he might break his bones. He used to be afraid before of hurting this fragile body, of leaving marks on this fair skin. He never said anything about it, it was all in his head. It also changed with time. He got more comfortable and stopped worrying too much. Later he didn't even mind leaving bruises and marks on this body.

But now he was feeling like had him in his arms for the first time. Everything was unsure and could go wrong. And at the same time, it felt nostalgic. It was a weird mix of emotions.

"I have a room nearby," Takasugi said between kisses.

It was a good idea, Gintoki thought in the first impulse.

It was a really, really bad idea - came as a second thought. But he couldn’t do anything about it when these arms wrapped around him, when these slender fingers dug into his muscles and drew him closer.

That only happened for a moment. After, Takasugi moved back, took out his pipe and walked away slowly.

Normally, Gintoki would not go after him. Whatever scam Takasugi was pulling off, it was better to stay out of it. Gintoki didn't want to get tangled in his schemes for many reasons. It would be all natural for them to walk in different directions.

But this night, he followed after him.

 

* * *

 

When Takasugi was talking about a room, Gintoki would never think that they would go to some small inn on the back street. Even more that they would go to the small reception where was sitting some bored and sleepy woman slightly older than them. It seemed too normal for Takasugi. Too toned down. But ‘normal’ ended at the moment when Takasugi spoke.

“One room.”

The woman nodded, took the key and walked them to it. She let them in first, but after she went inside as well. The woman didn't speak up even once. She moved to her duties and prepared the room for the late guest. Ashtray, stand for the sword, futon. She moved to get another one...

“One is enough,” Takasugi stopped her.

It didn't surprise her. Well, less work was always good. She bowed slightly to Takasugi. He nodded. And she left them alone. Takasugi's interactions with the people that supported him were always so eerie.

“It’s a brothel, right?” Gintoki asked to wipe off that strange feeling he got from seeing this scene.

“It has a place to sleep and people who don't ask unnecessary questions - that’s what important for me.” Takasugi went to the futon. He took ashtray and emptied his pipe in it. “Do you want to know anything more? We call her to come back. Or,“ he put the ashtray down and left his pipe there. He looked at Gintoki. “Or my company is not enough for you? Then, yes, it is a brothel. You can go to her and ask for a pretty girl. There's plenty of them. You may finally find one that will want you.”

“You know this place well. You work here?” Gintoki mocked him.

“You should know that the parts that hang out from the body are easy to cut off.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Okay, get it. Not working here, okay.”

Takasugi chuckled. He took out the sword in the sheath and put in on the stand. Like it would make him any less dangerous. He looked at Gintoki and went to him. That was definitely a red flag. Multiplied by his smirk. He knew how to make a man feel.

“We rather came here in one intention,” Takasugi said loosening his obi, letting yukata open, even though it never covered much. As he walked, he let it slide down on the floor. It didn’t matter anything. All he needed to overcome anyone was that watchful eye and a smirk. Nothing was changing how dangerous he was.

“That was on your mind after all these years?” Gintoki laughed it off.

“Would you prefer if it was somewhere else?” he hummed taking Gintoki's hand and putting it on his chest. He moved closer. “Stop thinking about all this. Imagine nothing bad had ever happened.”

So what would it be? They would be still two careless teens. They would sneak out from school to a place like that to try something finally…

Gintoki's mouth went dry. He would want that so much.

He swallowed hard. That was exactly how Takasugi was. Dangerous. Making the mightiest opponent fall to his knees.

“You know I hate your games,” Gintoki scoffed. He had to hide that part of that charm was taking effect on him.

“I thought you would like this one,” Takasugi whispered pulling his arms around him.

“Take the bandage off,” Gintoki said coldly.

That stopped Takasugi. “No.”

“You wanted a game. That's the rules.”

Takasugi took one step back. But it was not a retreat. He would never show Gintoki such a pitiful side. He would fight, scream, hit, bite; until he won over whatever inconvenience was put in front of him.

He agreed on the rules. He put the bandage off. He left it next to his sword. As he returned to Gintoki, he kept his head lower than before. Was it because he wanted his hair to fall down and cover his hurt eye?

Gintoki moved closer. He brushed the hair off. Takasugi flickered, but he didn’t back off nor push him away. So Gintoki took a good look of what bandage was covering the whole time. He traced his thumb over it. It healed nicely. There was not even a scar after it. Only a forever closed eye. It didn’t seem like a wound that would open a lot. It didn’t even seem like a wound. Wasn’t Takasugi a lucky bastard? Even mutilated, he was as good-looking as always.

Gintoki took his hand back.

It wasn’t about scars or looking nice. There were many other things they both prefered to hide, to push away, to forget. How hard all of it had to be when it was written on his face?

Takasugi didn’t plan of stepping out of the game yet. He moved closer, nearly leaned on Gintoki’s chest. “Haven't you missed me?” he whispered in his ear.

Gintoki’s arms were so used to catching him, they moved on their own. He could count all his bones under his fingers. Takasugi was so thin. A bit more than he used to. He should eat more.

That little game wouldn’t work. There were too many thoughts in their heads and they didn’t know how to mute them. At least Gintoki didn’t know. Takasugi was always better at thinking and coming up with a plan.

“Or maybe you prefer to play otherwise,” he started playing. “You went to the brothel and they gave you for a night…”

“The most beautiful girl they had,” Gintoki continued.

Takasugi smirked liking this answer. “Isn't it right? How a lucky guy you are?”

“Lucky to meet you?”

“Such a sweet talker, aren't you?”

“I can if I make an effort.”

“Making an effort for me, how lucky of me,” Takasugi chuckled. “Come with me.” He knew how to make his voice sound soft.

Gintoki listened.

Takasugi sat on the futon. He was never so obedient and pliant. Neither now. It was rather a snake prepared to jump on him and pump toxin to his veins.

Gintoki dared to get close.

“Kiss me,” escaped Takasugi's lips.

And Gintoki did. He pushed whole his body onto Takasugi. He took his face in his hands. By all these years he got hungry of him. One kiss would never be enough to sate any of them. The kiss turned to kisses. They started to miss Takasugi's lips. That was even better.

Gintoki kisses went down, back and forth. He wanted to get to know the body that was before him. He wanted to know how did it change. And with each kiss, he learnt that it didn’t. Nothing changed.

It felt like home.

Like he finally came back.

It was good that Takasugi leaned back supported by his arms letting Gintoki do what he wanted. If he started his talking, playing around, it would be too much. Gintoki would fall too easily into his game.

Didn’t he already?

He pushed this thought away and focused on what was right before him. His fingers worked to undo Takasugi's fudonshi. When he got it off, Takasugi burst into laughter.

“What? You don't like girls like this, Mr Sweet Talker?” Takasugi chuckled finding a crack in their game.

Gintoki caressed his cheek. “Girl, you’re one in the kind.”

“Of course I am.”

“I used all the luck in my life on you, didn’t I?”

“We’ll see. Maybe you get so lucky to meet me again.”

“You know how to make a man fall, don’t you, girl?”

“Do you want me to make you fall?” and only after a moment, he added looking him deeply in the eyes. “Mr Sweet Talker?”

Oh, he was a snake biting right into Gintoki’s neck. Paralysing him. Making him lose in his own mind. Leading him to do what he wanted him to.

And so Takasugi continued. “Let’s get you out of this clothes first.” He got closer, lifted a bit and began to undo Gintoki’s clothes. Belt, yukata, shirt. He stopped there.

“Such a fine man you are, Mr Sweet Talker,” Takasugi hummed running his hand along Gintoki’s muscles. “Such a fine, strong man.” He looked him in the eyes. Dangerously. “You make me want to see you between my legs.”

Gintoki’s mouth went dry. His hitched breath betrayed him and showed how it made him feel.

Takasugi grinned. He was triumphing. He was dominating each situation. His hand ran along Gintoki’s jaw. “Hm, Mr Sweet Talker, show me what this mouth of yours can do.”

Gintoki moved down. It was only a play pretend. Only a game. He took Takasugi's cock in his hand and began to lick it. Tease it. He knew how to make him feel good. How he liked it. He did know even more about him. His sloppy licks wandered from Takasugi's cock. He knew exactly what to do and soon he got all the signs that it was a good decision.

When his tongue entered him, Takasugi's breath hitched. His back arched. Gintoki got a glimpse of his smirk before Takasugi started to moan. Obscenely. A bit too much, too loud for this stimulation. But that was enough to make Gintoki lost in giving him pleasure.

Everything between them was a power play. A play Gintoki was losing. Takasugi knew how to step back a few steps, just enough to make him follow and lose.

Takasugi dug his fingers in his hair and pushed him closer. He was controlling whatever was happening. He was always like this. At least when they were starting. That made Gintoki want to push it to the point of him losing control.

That would make the play dangerous. But what could a snake do to a demon?

He noticed when Takasugi was getting close to coming. His moans grew quieter, choked in. Gintoki moved back to his cock, but this time he started fingering him.

He liked making him go mad from pleasure.

He continued until Takasugi came in his mouth. Gintoki spat and wiped the rest of the cum off his lips. He moved to Takasugi and kissed messily.

“Oi, oi, pretty girl, you should make some effort too,” Gintoki chuckled.

“Oh, is that so?” Takasugi looked murderously at him, but let the scene go. He raised and pushed him back a bit. Soon his arms clenched around him. He sat on his lap. “Do you really want to test your luck, Mr Sweet Talker?”

“I was doomed from the moment I came here, pretty girl.” Gintoki brushed his hair off his face and let himself lose for a moment in the image of it. It was a game. Nothing more.

Takasugi’s gaze stayed low. It followed his hands that were tracing over Gintoki’s body. How weird that was. They both got interested in what probably had no value for anyone else. In both cases, there was nothing more than scared by war bodies. Yet, both of them were finding something interesting in it. Or maybe Takasugi was making up some plan in his head. Who knew what he was thinking about? Gintoki was too focused on his face.

Maybe both of them got lost for a moment in their memories. Recalling how their bodies looked without all these scars. Trying to forget how they were made. Or maybe that was only on Gintoki’s mind.

Takasugi’s hands wandered low, until one of them tightened around his cock.

“Now I’m definitely doomed,” Gintoki chuckled.

“No.” Takasugi moved closer to whisper to his ear. “Now you have to behave.” And he moved back. He stroked him a few times looking at him. How someone so small, could look down at the whole world. Really, he was one in the kind. “So?” he started. “What can I do for you, Mr Sweet Talker?”

This bastard knew how to make a question had only one answer. Cause what else could be on Gintoki’s mind, when his cock was stroked, when he felt Takasugi’s warmth and weight on his lap, when he was drowning in looking at him.

“I want to get inside you, pretty girl,” he gasped out. “Will you let me?”

“Since you were playing nice today, I can make it come true.” He reached one of his hand behind to loosen himself up. He didn't need to do much. “You’ve made me all sloppy there,” he breathed into Gintoki's ear.

Takasugi raised his hips and when he moved down, he buried Gintoki's cock in.

That felt good.

Takasugi moved his hips. That felt even better.

He clearly got better, more confident in sex. Well, they were only some clueless teenagers back then. But it had been ten years, Takasugi seemed to meet many other people in his life. Gintoki wasn’t a hermit neither all that time. And Takasugi had always luck in this matter. All he needed was to bat his eyelashes and crowd of girls and boys show up ready to do anything for him. And yet, he always got stuck with Gintoki. Maybe that was karma for screwing people over.

Takasugi gripped his hair again and yanked his head back. “Is that what you wanted, Mr Sweet Talker?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. Takasugi moved up and down on him. “You're so good for me, pretty girl.”

A hand at his back dug nails in his muscles.

“You'd better remember that, Mr Sweet Talker.”

“Oh, I'd remember it, pretty girl.” Gintoki kissed him. He kept kissing him. Each time Takasugi moved up, Gintoki pushed him back down. He caught him again and again only to steal a kiss and began chasing him again. When he felt the orgasm starting to build in him, he tried to delay it. To keep the chase going. Takasugi began to tremble, but he did all to keep his pace. As always, stubborn. He could never let go first. That made Gintoki lose focus for a moment and he came in him. Takasugi fucked on him during it, though he had got already his release.

And as always, all that stubbornness and power play tired him out more than the sole activity would. He got off Gintoki, without minding the mess that was running down his tight. He laid down and the mattress breathing heavily.

“Tired you out, girl?” Gintoki mocked him.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “I’m no longer pretty or what?” he chuckled noticing Gintoki’s mistake.

“You’re one in the million, you don’t need any other attribute.”

“Maybe I tired you out? You’re no longer smooth.”

“I was supposed to talk sweet, not smooth.”

“Will you sweet talk me a bit more?”

“Always, pretty girl.” Gintoki moved to him. “You were so good for me. I really used up all my luck on you.”

His legs were still spread, his body heated up, his chest heavily raising and falling. His hair dump and messy, lips parted, eye unfocused. There was no girl who would be as beautiful as he was. At least Gintoki did never meet anyone like that.

“You’re repeating yourself.”

“You’re making me lose all the words, pretty girl.”

“A bit better. Still, you have to try harder.”

Gintoki chuckled and kissed him. He messily loved whole his body. Lazily. He wasn’t going for anything. He reached his arm around him. He loved feeling him in his arms.

Takasugi would never ask for or started to cuddle. It took Gintoki time to notice what he actually wanted that. After sex, it was natural to stay close, to nuzzle into each other's bodies again. At least for Gintoki. Takasugi always froze when it happened. At first, it seemed like he didn’t like it, so Gintoki tried to limit it. But soon he realised how Takasugi’s body relaxed under his touch. It was all new and weird back then. He wouldn’t dare to ask for something like that. The odds that he would be laughed off were high.

He was still that stubborn kid.

Yeah, he was still that kid.

Gintoki started to crave him again so much. It had been ten years. Maybe nothing at this point could sate him.

Takasugi noticed the change in his touches. “Still not enough for you?”

“I had always better stamina than you.”

Takasugi looked at him dangerously. They slipped from the game. He didn't like that.

“So what's you're up to?”

“Fucking you,” Gintoki pushed him down to the mattress. “Any complaints?” He started to finger him, even though Takasugi was still loose.

“Do my words matter anything to you?”

“What's with that?”

“You always do whatever you want.”

“And you manipulate everyone to do what you want. Maybe we're a good match.” His hips slammed onto Takasugi's.

“If the matchmaking was made my hell, then maybe.”

Takasugi grit his teeth, when Gintoki started moving. Stubborn. If he had any complaints, he wouldn’t lie down and let someone do whatever to him. So Gintoki kept lazily fucking deep into him.

“Who do you think would be better for you?” he asked.

“Someone I would not try to manipulate or sone who I could not manipulate… Are you thinking you are any good for me?”

“I'm still here and I'm alive.”

“That's a low bar,” Takasugi chuckled.

“And how many good men we saw dying?”

“Only assholes are left?”

“Yeah.” Gintoki grabbed his hair and yanked his head back. He slammed into him again still keeping him like that. “You should be thankful this asshole knows how to fuck you good.”

“Screw you,” Takasugi snarled, but he couldn’t hide anymore a little smile curling in the corner of his lips. Gintoki did know how to fuck him good.

Takasugi moved his hand to him. He clung to his back. He dug his nails deep into him. Like it would stop Gintoki. He let go of his hair and focused on moving. He leaned down. Takasugi clung to him tighter. He bit into him.

That was good. Gintoki wanted him to just let it all go. Scratch, hit, kick, bite, cry out. Whatever he wanted. Just to make him stop playing around.

So Gintoki continued without bothering about any of it. Even when Takasugi started to tremble from overstimulation. That even kept him going for longer. He liked making a mess out of him.

Yet, his stamina wasn’t endless. When he came he had to face that he got too tired by it. He laid down next to heavily breathing Takasugi. He looked at him.

Takasugi had his eye closed. That made him look exactly like back then.

Gintoki took his face and kissed him deeply.

Takasugi pushed him back.

Right. It was too much of caress for one night. Sometimes he was so much like a cat. Walking only his ways, letting people do only want he wanted, scratching and biting whenever he wasn’t satisfied.

Gintoki let him go.

They were both too stubborn to exist idiots, that was sure as hell. His body ached from exertion. And all that scratches and bites. His back was going to be a disaster for a few next days.

No cute girl could do that.

Gintoki looked at Takasugi. His breathing was calming down to the point he was falling asleep. Soon, he curled on the side. Gintoki tired him up for sure.

He was cute in his way.

He always seemed small. Vulnerable. Tearable.

Gintoki failed to protect him. He watched as he was torn apart. He couldn’t do anything about it. Cause he was the one who hurt him back then the most. Because of it, Takasugi shattered.

Gintoki couldn’t forget about it. Each night he saw that day in his nightmares. No matter how much alcohol he drank to dull the world around. Each morning Takasugi’s screams were echoing in his ears with hangover headaches.

But he could push it away during the daytime. He could mess around or even… Play pretend. Nothing had happened. They were whatever they wanted. Hero and the villain. Strangers. Fuckbuddies. Even a client and a prostitute. They knew how to make everything a game. That was how they were. They were the only ones knowing rules and only they could decide how they wanted to play it out.

And that was what Gintoki was thinking about. How to play it out. Should he leave now, when Takasugi seemed to be asleep, though it was late and Gintoki was also tired out by their game? Or should he fall asleep next to him and face whatever the morning would bring?

Tiredness won. There was plenty of place on the futon around Takasugi.

 

* * *

 

Takasugi could never sleep. During the war, it only became worse and even worse after it. He had to tire himself out to lost consciousness for a bit. This time he woke up after maybe an hour of shallow sleep. He felt Gintoki's heavy arm on him. He pushed it away. This idiot never woke up after all.

His eye soon got used to the darkness. He nearly never walked in the sun.

He stared at the man lying beside him. As he peacefully breathed through sleep. This man took everything that was dear to him.

Takasugi reached for his sword.

His head was filled with all those memories and feelings, he couldn’t think straight.

Gintoki was only trying to save him.

Takasugi trembled.

Why?

Why was it all so complicated?

Gintoki woke up. So this idiot did wake up sometimes. He felt something wet on his feet. That probably had woken him up. Takasugi should have been more careful.

Gintoki needed a moment. To get used to the darkness. To recall why he ended in this situation. To understand what was going on. And maybe to decide how to react, what to do about it.

“What the hell…” he growled and pulled Takasugi close. He grabbed him by the hurt forearm, making the other man hissed. “Damn it, damn it,” Gintoki shuttered when the pressure of his grip bring out more blood. The room started to stink lightly. But they were used to this irony scent. So much that it mixed with their own. Takasugi moved closer, he wanted to lean in, continue his play. Gintoki shook him. “Why?! Why are you like this?”

“Cause you made me so,” it just spilt from his lips.

Gintoki trembled. He looked terrified at him.

Usually, Takasugi would laugh in a situation like this. He managed to scare off the Shiroyasha. But he was as terrified as he was. Takasugi got so lost in his own head, he didn’t even know where he was now or what was happening. He only wanted to scream, to cry out, to scratch and kick, and bite, until he got free. That paralysed him.

Maybe that was better. Better than screaming, than crying, than begging, than pathetically struggle.

Gintoki ripped the sheets and began to treat his wounds.

"I'm the only one who can kill you. I'll be deciding whether you live or die," only these words got through Takasugi’s too loud thoughts.

"Yeah," he smiled brokenly. "I know. You will kill me." Gintoki looked at him angrily. Takasugi always knew how to make him mad. But this time it was all the truth. “That's how our story ends, Mr Hero.”

Takasugi knew Gintoki didn’t want to be a hero. That was never his goal. Now he probably only wanted his friend back or some other bullshit. He kept staring at him like he was looking for something he would recognise. Something that would tell him his friend was still here.

If he looked at him and had a problem with seeing anything like that, then it was only because he didn’t want to see it.

Whatever. Takasugi stopped caring about it a long time ago. It had been years since got betrayed and abandoned by someone who promised so many times to protect him and to fight for him. It still hurt, but Takasugi learnt to live with it.

“Don't…” Gintoki started, but sweet words like that rarely escape their lips.

“It rarely happens,” Takasugi answered.

Gintoki probably thought at first it was a lie. That would be understandable. He knew him good. Takasugi would never want to make a fuss of himself, to seem weak.

He checked insides of his forearms, but there were only four thin scars. Nothing more that could be caused in this way. That wasn't much for ten years of despair.

Samurai’s swords were indeed unique. The scars rarely stayed if the wounds were treated.

That made it feel like cheating a bit. Takasugi couldn’t help, but add: “There is always someone who finds me and treats my wounds…” He looked up into Gintoki's eyes. Into these always sincere eyes. And his thoughts just spilt. Maybe he was too tired to stop it. “Why? Why do you keep treating my wounds? Can't you see that everything is broken? That nothing can be repaired at this point?”

“That's why you kept fighting? Cause someone else…”

“And why are you still fighting? Why did you begin fighting again? Because of the world. The world is still running and it makes us going. No matter how much we would prefer for everything to stop and for us to walk away...” He looked at his arm.

“Who are you?”

Again.

It was alright.

After all, this night was only play pretend. They could be strangers. It would be definitely easier for Gintoki.

Takasugi should leave it like this. Everything else would hurt. But maybe he started to like the way it hurt. The pain was after all also a feeling. The one that accompanied him the most in this dull despair.

He took Gintoki’s face in his hands. “Stop playing dumb. You know who I am.”

And by the way his eyes saddened, Takasugi saw that he did know. He was only playing pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> Will it make you feel better if I say that I cried writing the end?
> 
> I have some overambitious plans of writing more canon-compliant gintaka fic, we'll see if anything works out from it. I'm not promising any regular publishing of it, sorry.
> 
> Comment if you want to motivate me to write more about it (or less, concrits are welcome)


End file.
